I'm smiling just fine

Recently on Hinatazaka de Aimashou, 

both the formation and the Senbatsu lineup for Hinatazaka46’s 18th single were announced.
To be honest, it’s really difficult to put into words how I feel about the announcement this time. 

To put it simply, I was disappointed.

After the Senbatsu announcement was over, plenty of emotions came rushing over me that I couldn’t stop crying. I cried so much that even I was surprised, and my tears made it difficult for me to see what was in front of me. I found myself thinking about everything I had worked hard on during the 17th single period, the things I wanted to work even harder on from here, and how far there still is between the person I want to become and who I am right now. I’m frustrated, and it hurts.
Of course, I understand that being chosen as Senbatsu member isn’t everything. 

But precisely because I have the ambition to show all of you even more wonderful scenery, I truly regret not being able to make into the cut this time.

Seeing the results, at first I felt like I wouldn’t even be able to get back on my feet. But having the 5th Gen Live and getting opportunities to talk with everyone helped me stand up again.

Recently, a lot of people have told me, “You’ve been really energetic lately.” but perhaps I was forcing myself to act cheerful because I wanted to turn my eyes away from reality.
Even though I was hurting inside, I feel like I was hiding those feelings even from myself.
I don’t really know either.
But as I’m writing this, tears are naturally coming to my eyes, and that made me realize that I really was hurting.

Right now, I can’t really see much of a future for myself,
but I want to show all of you who always support me 

an even, even, even more wonderful view. I want to keep moving forward so that you can feel that supporting me was worth it.

I’m sure there will be many more times from here on when I’ll feel frustrated and disappointed.

Even so, I want to aim higher and higher.

That’s why, even though this may be selfish of me, I hope you’ll continue to watch over me.

I’ll keep working hard so that I can show you scenery that is even more beautiful than what you see now!
Thank you for continuing to support me.

I look forward to having you by my side throughout this single as well.

-Takai Rika-